Illustrated Encyclopedia of the Future

Beards will learn how to exist independently of their owners.

Pine-faced plywood will be more popular than birch-faced plywood with carpenters.

Gravel will be sold as pets.

Telephone numbers will be 200 digits long.

After countless unexplained miracles, George Clooney is finally canonised.

Shoes will be made from banana skins.

The detritus of human existence will cease to be a burden and will instead become a pleasure.

Anemones will be sold as pets.

In a massive overhaul of the London Underground, all carriages will contain padded walls and soft furnishings. Small sections will be allocated for solitary confinement.